The Post-Holiday Blues

So...yeah. It's been a while since the last time I wrote in this thing. Stuff I had said sorta came back and bit me in the ass. The evidence has long been deleted, but the damage was done. The army guy and I are not on speaking terms anymore. (Edit: Ok, yeah, that's kind of a lie. He sent me a message saying he just wants to be friends. And now he randomly texts me every once in a while. I should probably ignore it, but I give terse, polite answers. Either way, "speaking" or not, we are not a couple.) Long story short, we clearly were not looking for the same things. Guess it wasn't meant to be. I kinda saw it coming - it definitely hurt, but I'm bouncing back. I always do. It was fun while it lasted and I wish him all the best in the future. Lessons learned - "Don't count your chickens before they've hatched" and "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

Anyways...Nunsense went up in November and it ended up going really, really well. As much as I was stressed out about it, it came together nicely and I had fun doing it. I was kind of handed the role of Sister Leo, but it was one that allowed me to really display what I can do dancing, singing, and acting-wise. I had no problem becoming the character - basically, she was a younger me. Since then, I've auditioned for 2 shows...one was a community theater group production of Rent in Rhinebeck and I was flat-out rejected, the other was a tuition-based conservatory thing in Westchester for teens and twenty-somethings doing another of my dream shows, A Chorus Line. For that one, I made it all the way to final callbacks for the parts I really wanted, only to be offered a part in the cut dancer ensemble. I declined the part, mainly due to the fact that I live an hour away from the theater and can't afford the tuition right now. One day, I will do a production of A Chorus Line and I will get a spot on The Line, mark my words.

About 2 weeks ago, I went to the city with my friend Jess to see Disney's The Princess & the Frog at the Ziegfeld Theater and to the Ultimate Disney Experience at the Roseland Ballroom. Being the ginormous Disney geek that I am, I thought the movie was adorable and the expo was fun...we met all the Disney princesses, including the new princess, Tiana, took a drawing class, and saw some cool stuff from the Disney archives. After all that stuff, we went to the Rockefellar Center area...we went inside St. Patrick's (which is GORGEOUS at Christmas time), poked around the NBC Experience store, then went to the skating rink to see the tree. We took pictures in front of the tree and saw the awesome light-up/musical snowflake display at Saks. One of the few things I bought while on that excursion was at St. Pat's...a prayer card to St. Teresa of Avila that really resonated with me:

"Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things pass away;
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things,
He who has God
Finds he lacks nothing;
God alone suffices."

I've applied to several jobs lately and still, I get no feedback. I asked Santa for a job for Christmas...maybe it'll come after the holidays? I can only hope. I've decided that if I don't find a job in a few months, well fuck it...I'm gonna apply to a bunch of grad school programs and try to do something I might actually like. A master's degree would hopefully make me stand out in a bunch of resumes.

On the romance front...I've been talking to 2 guys I met online. At http://www.okcupid.com/, of all places. I joined that site as a joke like 5 years when I was in college. I liked it mostly for the fun personality quizzes. Now, most of the guys that have messaged me on this site before were either extremely nerdy or disgusting perverts, so I'm not normally inclined to actually answer most of the messages that I get. I was on the verge of cancelling my membership when I got messages from these 2 guys who actually seem decent. Both are very similar to me, but in different ways. One is a part-time freelance writing teacher with an English degree who also acts & sings on the side. He seems nice so far, but there's something about him that annoys me a bit. He seems into me and is eager to meet me in person, but I don't know how I feel about him yet. The other guy feels my pain about the job situation, as he has a non-paying writing internship and can't find a job, either. He is sympathetic and funny and we seem to have similar personalities. He's more laid-back and has not even brought up meeting up in person yet. I don't know. We shall see how it goes.

I think I have the post-holiday blues or something. I've been kind of sad lately. I can't even really explain why. It could be the job thing, but it also could be that I feel isolated. It doesn't help that I don't get out much...can't really afford to right now. I hardly see my friends anymore and it feels like we're starting to grow apart, especially my college buddies. I know this stuff happens, but I don't wanna let it! Binghamton buddies, expect phone calls in the next few days, I'd like to do some catching up.

Sadly, I've been eating my feelings lately. I've gained some weight back and I feel like crap. I don't need a scale to know - my pants are just barely fitting me. As soon as the holidays are over, I'm hitting the gym - hard. Boy, am I glad the holidays only come once a year!

On the bright side, my sis and I got some kick-ass presents for Christmas - a Nintendo Wii system, Wii Fit, a Band Hero kit (the game, plus drums, guitar and microphone), and The Beatles Rock Band game. I love to sing and do fairly well (with songs I know, anyway), and with some practice, I won't suck at the drums. Been too scared to pick up the guitar, but that will come soon enough. And don't even get me started on the Wii Fit...I haven't set foot on it yet, but I know for a fact that it will definitely yell at me for being overweight.

I can't wait for 2010...mostly because 2009 (with the exception of a few awesome things) was one of the crappiest years of my life. I'm a fan of the whole symbollic new year, new start thing. Wipe the slate clean and start over again. First goal of the year: find a job and/or apply to grad school. Getting back into dance classes, voice lessons, and moving out of my parents' house to follow. As for love...I'm not gonna actively go looking for it. If it finds me, so be it. If it doesn't, that's ok. And my experiences with guys this year have made me realize that maybe perhaps I'm not as ready to settle down as I thought I was. I wanna be able to stand on my own two feet for a while. I may just start praying again...it couldn't hurt.