Let's see...a week after I last posted (Memorial Day weekend), I fell in the pool while chasing after my dog Peanut (scraped & bruised myself up reeeal nice), I went to the flea market with one of my new friends from Spelling Bee and the friend I reconnected with (the one with the hot cousin, we'll call her A) invited me to her house. Flea market was fun, I had gotten a lot of good stuff, and I had a good time catching up with my friend, CM. I go over to A's house later that afternoon in a cute sundress (cuts and scrapes from my bad fall in the pool bandaged up as best I could), bathing suit and towel in tow and who's there but Hot Cousin. Greeeeeeat. Of course, he remembered me. It was only slightly awkward. Swimming, lots of food, bocce, trampoline, booze....it was good times. Her friends were cool, especially since I was kind of crashing the after-party of a birthday party A had thrown for one of them. We ended up all meeting up again later in the evening to go see The Hangover II. Of course, I was hoping something would happen between me and Hot Cousin. Of course, it didn't. He was real chummy with one of the girls, we'll call her Lola. I later found out the dirt from A when we were driving to Jersey for the NKOTBSB concert that Lola and Hot Cousin used to be an item way back when and had hooked up the night of the party. Oh, well. That got me over that fast.
The biggest event of Summer '11 was Sweeney Todd. Back in March, I had found out that I had been cast in Musicals at Richter's production of Sweeney Todd...little did I know I was going to fall in love with Sweeney Todd. Both literally and figuratively. Yup. Not only did I fall in love with Sondheim's lush, gorgeous, complex and utterly insane score, I also fell in love with our leading man. I know what you're thinking, here we go...it's like Army Musician Guy (aka Sky Masterson in Guys and Dolls) all over again. That's where you'd be wrong. If things had gone in a different direction (namely, if I gotten the kick-ass internship with Martha Graham Dance Company I was up for and went to Spain), there's a very good chance I would've ended up quitting the show. But it didn't go that way. Never in a million years did I ever think I'd end up falling for a guy like J. All the more reason my personal motto is "Never Say Never." I have now done a lot of things in my 27 years that I said that I would never do. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
I wasn't even that excited about Sweeney Todd...the show I really wanted to get into was Gyspy, but after a disastrous audition where I royally screwed up "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend," I was given a second chance to sing a "legit" musical theater selection and I just so happened to have "Tonight" from West Side Story in my back pocket. That second song got me the spot in the ensemble of Sweeney Todd. After seeing Gypsy, in hindsight, I realized the only part I could have possibly played was Gypsy...and even that would've been a stretch, I probably look a bit too old to play a young teenager. Also, the ensemble in that show did not have an awful lot to do, nor did the ensemble of Oliver!, which I couldn't audition for due to conflicts. Anyway, on with the story.
I met J on the first day that I was scheduled to go to rehearsal, back in early May. I was walking from the golf course parking lot to the Richter Arts Association house where our rehearsals were held. He was walking just ahead of me but stopped to introduce himself. Immediately, I thought "too short, too old, probably gay...but he seems nice." I learned he was playing Sweeney, so I assumed "ok, so he can sing." At rehearsal, I'm sitting there cursing under my breath as I'm learning the insane soprano part, he catches my eye, laughs and makes faces at me. Later, when I hear him sing solo...WOW. Yeah, he can sing, alright. He's got this rich, powerful baritone that makes me weak in the knees. And he sings with such passion. I was impressed...this unassuming guy with this crazy voice.
Anyway, we were friendly, but we didn't become BFF's right away. I knew a few people from Carousel last summer, but most of these people were total strangers to me. I got along with them all just fine, but the real bonding didn't begin until later. I remember I came to rehearsal a few minutes early one day and I was in a bad mood for one reason or another (I don't recall why, most likely lack of sleep or a fight with my mother or I was super busy taking care of my father or something) but I'm not one of those people who can easily hide their emotions (I "wear my heart on my sleeve"). He noticed and went out of his way to make me laugh. I don't even entirely remember what was said, I just remember being at the Melrose School for rehearsal and him saying something to make me laugh. Which brings me to another thing...he's probably one of the funniest people I have ever met in my life. Not only does he have this crazy voice, but he's also got genius comedic timing and great facial expressions.
The real turning point, though, was this one day (after I had some car trouble) my dad had taken his car back to the place in Brewster where it had got towed that time it over-heated on me. They had to do some major fixing, but anyway, I had rehearsal over in CT so I dropped Lauren (my sister) and Dad off to get the car and I headed over to Danbury early to grab some lunch and coffee before rehearsal. I went into Starbucks, ordered a sandwich and a frappacino, and then sat down to eat and study/listen to my music for the show. I had just finished my sandwich and I was about 3 songs in when my stupid ancient iPod died on me. I had a charger thing in my car for it, so I decided to pack up my stuff and head out to my car to do some more listening. I never made it to the car because just as I passed the booth near the front, I heard someone calling my name. It was J sitting by himself with a cup of tea or coffee. So I said hello and sat myself down. We started chatting about the show and how crazy the music was and how Sweeney was J's dream role. I told him about what roles I had played so far and what my dream roles were (Cassie or Sheila in A Chorus Line, Maria or Anita in West Side Story). It was weird (but not) and I wasn't positive, but it felt like he was trying to flirt with me a little bit. "Ok, so he's not gay." I got confirmation later - from that rehearsal on, he would tease me and flirt with me. Sometimes, he'd find an excuse to come sit by me and bug me. One day, I realized that I didn't mind. I actually liked it. And I liked him. I liked him? What the heck? He's 41 years old, 5'6", Jewish, and divorced. I'm a 27 year old shiksa who's 5'9" and perpetually single. On paper, it makes no sense and yet...when he sings, it makes me weak in the knees, he's probably one of the funniest people I'll ever know, he's just as passionate (if not moreso) about theater as I am and takes it seriously, he's smart, sensitive, driven...of course I liked him. One night, after running the show, he came over and randomly hugged me during notes and I felt all...tingly. It scared me a bit. I thought, ok, I'm a whore for talent, it's just a crush - I'll get over it. I found out stuff about him - about his divorce, about how he used to be very overweight and worked super hard to lose a lot of weight before Sweeney. It just made me admire him more and I thought he was actually cute. After a crazy tech week and only running the full show with the "box of death" once, we opened. People seemed to love it and it was going well...though we died every night from the heat. (We got rained out our official opening night, but the rest of the run was great). I found that I was in a good mood for no reason a lot of the time. I'd listen to songs from the show and sing along to every word on the days in between performing. But mostly, I just couldn't wait until the next performance. What the heck? I can be a cheerful person, but I'm not normally THAT cheerful. Usually, I'm sick to death of the show music by the time we get to performing, but this time, I couldn't get enough. And I adore the cast and crew, but why am I so eager, not only to do the show, but to get to the theater as early as possible? Oh. My. God. I wanted to get to the theater early so that I could see J because I had fallen in love with him. It was agony. I mooned about like Orsino in Twelfth Night.
**Author's note: it's December 11th and I'm finally finishing/updating this.**
I was in trouble. Long story short...lots of flirting both in person and over facebook chat. Final night of the show, after being so focused and disciplined with diet, exercise, rehearsals, etc. he went kind of nutso and drank entirely too much. I was one of the last to leave his after-party...I had come to the conclusion that nothing was going to happen. I checked in on him the day after the party and we agreed to hang out again. A couple of weeks later, mid-August, we met up and saw the final Richter show of the season (Oliver!) together. I was so nervous and I wasn't sure if it was a date for the longest time, but evidence points to yes, it was. Seeing an outdoor show (he whispered hilariously snarky comments in my ear the whole time) with a picnic dinner (veggies, hummus, crackers, cheese, wine, fruit, and chocolate), crashing the cast party, then a good-bye kiss turning into a make-out session? (Plus he hinted at wanting me to come home with him...I didn't, but I was tempted.) Unless I'm mistaken, that's a date. I didn't hear from him again for a while. I played it cool. Eventually I gave in and messaged him a week later. He had been looking for someone to go see a new musical in the New York Musical Theatre Festival in the city and I told him that I would go....but only if he wanted me to. He said of course he did and we set a date to see the show in mid-October. End of August, there was an earthquake and I had surgery on my other knee (tore the meniscus in my right knee). He liked a few of my statuses on facebook, but I didn't hear from him too much during the month of September while I was recovering.
Fast-forward to October. A week before our scheduled 2nd date (?), I decided to go to Stamford to see a couple of friends in another production of Sweeney. I went the same night that he did...I wasn't stalking, I asked him what night he was going and I said I'd see him there if I could get a ticket. We hung out with our friends at the bar next to the theater after the show. He had come with our friend BW and she was supposed to give him a ride home, but he cornered me at the end of the night (I ended up staying there really late and I had a long ride home) and asked me if I wanted to come home with him. I said "are you sure you wanna do this?" "Yeah." So he told BW that I was giving him a ride home and he showed me how to get to his apartment. Once there, we talked for a while and watched some TV. There was also some cuddling and making out on the couch. He then suggested we go to bed. And that's what we did. We slept. Nothing else happened. I was waaaaay confused/disappointed. There was a bit more cuddling and making out the next morning, but again, nothing happened. We had coffee, he took me out to breakfast, we watched some more TV and then I finally went home later that afternoon.
Fast-forward to October. A week before our scheduled 2nd date (?), I decided to go to Stamford to see a couple of friends in another production of Sweeney. I went the same night that he did...I wasn't stalking, I asked him what night he was going and I said I'd see him there if I could get a ticket. We hung out with our friends at the bar next to the theater after the show. He had come with our friend BW and she was supposed to give him a ride home, but he cornered me at the end of the night (I ended up staying there really late and I had a long ride home) and asked me if I wanted to come home with him. I said "are you sure you wanna do this?" "Yeah." So he told BW that I was giving him a ride home and he showed me how to get to his apartment. Once there, we talked for a while and watched some TV. There was also some cuddling and making out on the couch. He then suggested we go to bed. And that's what we did. We slept. Nothing else happened. I was waaaaay confused/disappointed. There was a bit more cuddling and making out the next morning, but again, nothing happened. We had coffee, he took me out to breakfast, we watched some more TV and then I finally went home later that afternoon.
A week later, came date #2 (?). I agreed to meet him in Stamford and we took the train into the city together. The ride down was fun, the show was great, he took me out to a fabulous dinner afterwards (I bought him a drink). I had a great time, the conversation was easy and flowed...but there was no hand holding or any little romantic gestures like that. When we got back to Stamford, he once again invited me up to his apartment (I was prepared with an overnight bag this time, just in case). We finished a movie we had started watching the week before and he showed me the very first episode of Twin Peaks and it blew my mind. No cuddling, no making out, and he kinda sorta kicked me out, saying he had to get up early the next morning. I kissed him goodbye and told him to call me. Needless to say, I didn't hear from him. I was really upset and sort of depressed for a while. It was hard, but I managed not to talk to him for a whole month. I wanted to just distance myself and get over it. It happened again...I opened myself up, revealed too much, too soon and ended up hurt. Just as I was starting to feel better, he messages me the day before Thanksgiving: "Happy turkey day linds! Let's hang again soon ok? Sorry I've been so out of touch." All I could say was thanks and congrats on getting into his latest show. It's been 2 1/2 weeks since then and I haven't heard a word. Ugh. I hate that this keeps happening. I don't deserve this crap. Clearly, he doesn't like me as much as I like him if he can only be bothered messaging me once a month. Not even calling, but facebook messaging. Gaahh. I give up. I'm attracted to guys with major baggage who like to walk all over me...this is a problem.
And my dry spell continues...2 1/2 years and counting. On the positive side, Summer of Sweeney brought me a little closer to my friend JG from Carousel and I met Jules, BW, and Barb, all of whom I now love to pieces.
On a sad note...the last week of October was a tough one. I heard about 4 deaths...the brother of a co-worker, the grandmother of a family friend, the aunt of a theater friend, and Army Musician Guy. Yeah. It came as quite a shock. I found out through facebook almost a month after it happened. He died in a car crash at the end of September. He was only 30. I couldn't believe it. It hit me hard - he was the last guy I had feelings for (and the last guy I slept with). The only good thing I can say is that with him, I had a sense of closure. I had really liked him and he hurt me, but he eventually realized what he did and apologized for the way he treated me. I had no bad feelings, no regrets. He was a good guy, really talented and easy on the eyes, but he was troubled. He was taken too soon.
On a sad note...the last week of October was a tough one. I heard about 4 deaths...the brother of a co-worker, the grandmother of a family friend, the aunt of a theater friend, and Army Musician Guy. Yeah. It came as quite a shock. I found out through facebook almost a month after it happened. He died in a car crash at the end of September. He was only 30. I couldn't believe it. It hit me hard - he was the last guy I had feelings for (and the last guy I slept with). The only good thing I can say is that with him, I had a sense of closure. I had really liked him and he hurt me, but he eventually realized what he did and apologized for the way he treated me. I had no bad feelings, no regrets. He was a good guy, really talented and easy on the eyes, but he was troubled. He was taken too soon.
Also in October, I was on a roll. In 4 weeks, I went on 3 interviews...I didn't snag any of the jobs. It's now December and I haven't had an interview since. In recent months, I have discovered that 2 girls I went to college with have managed to find arts administration jobs like I have been going after for some time now. The one thing they have that I don't? A master's degree in Public Administration. So I am determined. I am in the process of applying to a few different Performing Arts Management and Public Administration Master's programs in addition to my job search. I'm going to make 2012 my year if it kills me. I'm going to get into grad school and I'm going to get an awesome job. And eventually, I will find love.
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