Purgatory

I guess you can call this the new blog for the new chapter in my life. But really, it doesn't feel like I'm starting a new chapter, rather, it feels like I'm in a limbo-like state between chapters. I guess that's the only way to describe my current state of unemployment - purgatory. Yes, I am one of the many in this country that is without a job - not for lack of trying. I was working for a company in Westchester that publishes construction directories. I was making semi-decent money, getting decent benefits and I would get a bonus at the end of the year - and yet I was never so miserable in my whole life. I'm actually a little bit happier and a lot less stressed being unemployed. In a way, I see losing my job as a blessing in disguise - I now have plenty of time on my hands to look for a job that I actually like. Only problem is, I apply for jobs that sound cool and I get no feedback. It's going on 3 months since I lost my job and I haven't had a single interview - not a call, an e-mail - NOTHING. It's extremely frustrating. I'm a college grad with almost 3 years of experience under my belt - you would think I'd have no problem finding a job. But I have to keep things in perspective - it could always be worse. At the end of June, I found out that the girl who was my very best friend for the first 10 years of my life was killed in a car accident at the age of 25. Our moms did everything together - they even got pregnant together and we were born just 3 days apart - her on March 10, me on March 13. When we were about 9 or 10, our mothers (who were also best friends)had a falling out and we only saw one another briefly and sporadically throughout the years - I would think about her from time to time and wonder how she was, but I never reconnected with her - and now I'll never get the chance to. When I found out this bit of news, it hit me hard. I hadn't been so affected by someone's death since my grandmother died 15 years ago. Anyway, the point of my telling this is that I feel like I've gained a sense of joie de vivre - I'm happy to be alive and well. I may not have a job, a place of my own, or a boyfriend, but I have a family (crazy and dysfunctional as they may be) who loves me and supports me no matter what, fabulous friends who make me laugh and help me to stay positive, and someone who writes me letters. This is going to sound like one of those cheesy inspirational posters, but I keep reminding myself about the 3 P's - Be Persistant, Be Patient, and most importantly, Be Positive. These things, along with my crazy dreams of being a professional performer, are going to get me through my Quarter Life Crisis.

RIP Sarah E. Studler March 10, 1984 - June 26, 2009