A Little Bit Depressed and A Lot Crazy

Thursday, I drove down to Peekskill to give a trial ballet class – I was up for a part-time dance teacher position. I thought it went well; I ended up instead of teaching an entire class doing a half-hour private lesson for one kid. So far, I haven’t heard anything…I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but we shall see.

I’m feeling kind of lost right now (not to mention useless and unemployable)…do I keep at it applying to jobs and going on auditions? Do I go to grad school? And if I do, what do I study? Should I sell out and get my masters in something marketable like Teaching, Business, or medicine-related like I’ve seen other people do? Or do I get an MFA in something I love like Arts Journalism, Dance Performance/Choreography, Musical Theater or (if I wanna be an uber nerd, I looked it up, it exists) get a Ph.D. in Dance History and risk having yet another hard time finding a job? And no, I don’t expect anyone to have the answers to my crazy questions. I’m just venting my frustration. I know the job market is bad, worst it's been in years, but can't a girl get a fuckin' break?

Blah...oh, and another problem...little activity = LOTS of eating and a screwed up sleep schedule.

You're all probably thinking "what happened to Lindsay's sunny outlook and positive attitude?" You can only go for so long before the depressing thoughts start seeping in and taking over.

The only solutions I have are eating ice cream and watching movies...they always make me feel better...too bad the effects are only temporary.

Oldies, but goodies

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Quotes and Lyrics

I was just listening to River of Dreams and this particular set of lyrics seemed to resonate with me:

"I don't know why I go walking at night
But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is I've been looking for..."
-Billy Joel


I haven't seen this yet (it's closing next month) - does anyone want to take a trip to the city to see it with me?

"What do you do with a B.A. in English
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college and plenty of knowledge
Have earned me this useless degree.
I can't pay the bills yet,'Cause I have no skills yet,
The world is a big scary place.
But somehow I can't shake,
The feeling I might make,
A difference,To the human race."
-Avenue Q

That's pretty much the story of my life in a nutshell.



This is from a somewhat obscure Sherman Brothers musical version of Cinderella starring Richard Chamberlin called "The Slipper and the Rose." Nobody I know has ever really seen or heard of it, but it's FABULOUS as far as musicals go - there is more focus on the prince's story line and he and Cinderella actually have to overcome a few obstacles in order to be together. There's also fabulous period costumes, fun dance numbers, and political commentary.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075232/

"Things have changed...but that doesn't mean to say they won't change again."
- Fairy Godmother, The Slipper and the Rose


If anyone was curious, this is where the name of my blog comes from:

" When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window."
- Maria, The Sound of Music (played by the fabulous Julie Andrews, one of my idols)

The next two quotes are kind of random...I just really like them:

“There is such a thing as fate, but it only takes you so far. Then it's up to you to make it happen.” -Jenna Elfman as a Stripper-Angel, Can't Hardly Wait


"Well-behaved women seldom make history." - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Life Goals Revisited

I was just looking at my old blog...yeah, I had a livejournal http://dancestarrunner.livejournal.com/, and before that a Xanga. It's pretty funny...I posted stuff in it as recently as last year and I found a list of short and long term goals I set for myself in early 2007. In the 2 years since I posted that, I think I managed to fulfill 99% of my short term goals, but none of my long term goals.

Short term:
-lose weight
-exercise more
-eat healthier
-call/visit my friends more
-go out on weekends more
-join the library
-start dating again

Long term:
-dance professionally at least once (in a company, in a Broadway show, Rockettes, or NBA Basketball dance team i.e. Knicks City Dancers)
-find a job I absolutely love
-learn to ballroom dance
-learn to horseback ride
-travel the world
-swim with dolphins
-become a published author (write a book, or at least have an article published in a well-known newspaper or magazine)
-learn different languages (Spanish, Italian, German, Japanese, relearn French, Gaelic, etc.)
-be a contestant on a TV trivia game show, i.e. Millionaire, Jeopardy, etc.
-learn something crafty (sewing, knitting, decoupage, jewelry making, etc.)
-meet at least one A-list celebrity (and not freak out while doing it)
-get a really awesome tattoo
-sing (or dance) back-up for a well-known recording artist
-be an extra in a movie (or even a small role with lines, so I can appear on IMDB.com)

New additions:
-visit all 50 states at least once
-perform in a Shakespeare play
-score a lead part in a musical
-start voice & acting classes again
-go to the city more often to take dance classes
-get new headshots taken
-find an agent
-finish watching entire series of Buffy The Vampire Slayer
-clean my room
-have a pool party
-move out of my parents' house

I'm not gonna put a time limit on all of this, but I'd like to accomplish all of this in the next few years if I can. I don't know if it will all be possible, but I will try.

Live For Tomorrow

So...all of a sudden, things seem to be looking up slightly. On both the romantic and professional fronts. I've now exchanged 2 letters with a guy. Yes, actual physical snail mail letters...it's kinda romantic and old fashioned in a way. He has no phone or computer, so snail mail it is. Yeah. I curse the U.S. Army Reserves pretty much on a daily basis. It's pretty cute how we met...we were in a play together in college a few years ago. Almost right away, I developed a little crush and tried to flirt with him. Alas, he had just started dating someone else and didn't really notice, and then I started dating someone else in the cast after the show was over. Fast forward to this past June...we're both single and pursuing our respective crazy dreams...for him, it's the music industry, for me, it's the musical theater world. I post something about one of my auditions on facebook - he reads it and facebook IM's me about it. We start chatting, and next thing you know, I'm meeting up with him in the city for a date. I won't spill every little detail, but it went VERY well. Turns out we're extremely compatible on many levels. Sadly, we went on our date 2 days before he left to go to basic training. I give my address, thinking "yeah, right, he's never gonna write me." He totally surprised me and has written to me twice now. We shall see what happens.

Anyways...on the professional front...I got the Penny Saver in the mail and I'm combing throught the Help Wanted section (which is totally slim pickings, by the way) and I came across an ad for a dance teacher needed for a new dance studio opening in my area. I called the number and left a message for them to call me back around 1 this afternoon. I drove myself crazy for a few hours waiting for a return phone call. It finally came around 8:30pm. The girl I talked to sounded really nice - we set up an interview for this Friday and I e-mailed her my resume and a brief history of my dance background. Yay! My first interview since being unemployed. Hopefully this will be a full-time job. If not, it should at least be something fun to do until I find a "real" job. Ok, can't get ahead of myself I hafta actually get the job first. But yeah, I'm psyched. I've been dying to get back into dance again and to do something artsy and creative...it's been about a year since I've taken a class and 3 months since my last theater show. Keep your fingers crossed! I love having things to look forward to...that's what gives life meaning. Letters, interviews, and a trip to Binghamton where I will see Kellie & Meghan...yay!

Purgatory

I guess you can call this the new blog for the new chapter in my life. But really, it doesn't feel like I'm starting a new chapter, rather, it feels like I'm in a limbo-like state between chapters. I guess that's the only way to describe my current state of unemployment - purgatory. Yes, I am one of the many in this country that is without a job - not for lack of trying. I was working for a company in Westchester that publishes construction directories. I was making semi-decent money, getting decent benefits and I would get a bonus at the end of the year - and yet I was never so miserable in my whole life. I'm actually a little bit happier and a lot less stressed being unemployed. In a way, I see losing my job as a blessing in disguise - I now have plenty of time on my hands to look for a job that I actually like. Only problem is, I apply for jobs that sound cool and I get no feedback. It's going on 3 months since I lost my job and I haven't had a single interview - not a call, an e-mail - NOTHING. It's extremely frustrating. I'm a college grad with almost 3 years of experience under my belt - you would think I'd have no problem finding a job. But I have to keep things in perspective - it could always be worse. At the end of June, I found out that the girl who was my very best friend for the first 10 years of my life was killed in a car accident at the age of 25. Our moms did everything together - they even got pregnant together and we were born just 3 days apart - her on March 10, me on March 13. When we were about 9 or 10, our mothers (who were also best friends)had a falling out and we only saw one another briefly and sporadically throughout the years - I would think about her from time to time and wonder how she was, but I never reconnected with her - and now I'll never get the chance to. When I found out this bit of news, it hit me hard. I hadn't been so affected by someone's death since my grandmother died 15 years ago. Anyway, the point of my telling this is that I feel like I've gained a sense of joie de vivre - I'm happy to be alive and well. I may not have a job, a place of my own, or a boyfriend, but I have a family (crazy and dysfunctional as they may be) who loves me and supports me no matter what, fabulous friends who make me laugh and help me to stay positive, and someone who writes me letters. This is going to sound like one of those cheesy inspirational posters, but I keep reminding myself about the 3 P's - Be Persistant, Be Patient, and most importantly, Be Positive. These things, along with my crazy dreams of being a professional performer, are going to get me through my Quarter Life Crisis.

RIP Sarah E. Studler March 10, 1984 - June 26, 2009